saturday night's main event 6
Hulk Hogan joins the quest for the red underwear; Adrian Adonis takes fashion tips from King Size Homer; and the British Bulldogs try to prevent the fall of the British Empire several decades after it ceased to be...
history in the making
The post-WrestleMania exodus of top stars is not something that is exclusive to the PG-Era, as following WrestleMania 2, the WWF lost some of its top stars to other projects. Hollywood was the main destination, as Jesse ‘The Body’ Ventura and Andre The Giant headed west to film Predator and The Princess Bride, respectively. Andre was also starting to really feel the effects of his acromegaly by this time as well, meaning he had to get back surgery to alleviate the pain that was forcing him to work his matches from the safety of leaning against the ropes and turnbuckles. ‘Rowdy’ Roddy Piper – last seen riding the borderlines of racial sensitivity – also took a break for a few months, meaning that three of the biggest names in the company would not be around for the next Saturday Night’s Main Event.
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Hulk Hogan was of course still here, and was set to join the Junkyard Dog in his quest for Jimmy Hart’s red underwear. They would be aided by the Haiti Kid, who was enjoying the highest profile of his career following his appearance in Mr T’s corner at WrestleMania 2. Their opponents were set to be Terry and Dory – sorry, Hoss – Funk in tag team action.
Elsewhere, Jake ‘The Snake’ Roberts had been knocking out opponents with the DDT, and for this card was set to face Ricky Steamboat in what was described as his first real test in the WWF… ‘Mr Wonderful’ Paul Orndorff was still struggling to keep it going as a babyface, and he was due to face ‘Adorable’ Adrian Adonis, who despite the negative reception the gimmick gets today, was one of the most prominent and featured acts of 1986, as evidenced by him being on every SNME and big card. He was also just about to be given his own interview spot, The Flower Shop, which was to replace Piper’s Pit during Roddy Piper’s hiatus…Following their dynamic title win at WrestleMania 2, The British Bulldogs were at the height of their career as a team, and were paired up with the ever-unlikeable evil foreigner team of The Iron Sheik and Nikolai Volkoff for their first big title defence.
It’s half-hearted, it’s Saturday night!
Elsewhere, Jake ‘The Snake’ Roberts had been knocking out opponents with the DDT, and for this card was set to face Ricky Steamboat in what was described as his first real test in the WWF… ‘Mr Wonderful’ Paul Orndorff was still struggling to keep it going as a babyface, and he was due to face ‘Adorable’ Adrian Adonis, who despite the negative reception the gimmick gets today, was one of the most prominent and featured acts of 1986, as evidenced by him being on every SNME and big card. He was also just about to be given his own interview spot, The Flower Shop, which was to replace Piper’s Pit during Roddy Piper’s hiatus…Following their dynamic title win at WrestleMania 2, The British Bulldogs were at the height of their career as a team, and were paired up with the ever-unlikeable evil foreigner team of The Iron Sheik and Nikolai Volkoff for their first big title defence.
It’s half-hearted, it’s Saturday night!
it's a happening
We open on Damien slithering along some carpet, and we run through the card with a collection of awkward live-action close ups of the participants, as if we’re about to watch an episode of Happy Days. Amongst the highlights: King Kong Bundy weighing-in wearing sandals; Adrian Adonis informing us that he wants Paul Orndorff whilst cavorting with a cardboard cut-out of Mr Wonderful; and Mean Gene speculating that the sun may finally set on the British Empire if The British Bulldogs lose their Tag Team Titles…
Bobby ‘The Brain’ Heenan – wearing an early prototype of Chris Jericho’s sparkly jacket – replaces Jesse Ventura as Vince McMahon’s colour commentator and gets bombarded with Weasel chants.
Backstage, Terry and Hoss Funk are practicing throwing the megaphone to one another, which Jimmy Hart defends as practicing “hand to eye coordination”. A clip of their win at WrestleMania 2 is shown, and after being informed that the Haiti Kid will be in the corner of their opponents tonight, Jimmy Hart introduces Jimmy Jack Funk (in a Zorro mask and a bullrope around his neck) as their counter. Except, when we see the ring, Jimmy Jack – Zorro Funk – is nowhere to be seen. For his part, the Haiti Kid says he’s never afraid of a man in red underwear, which is very specific. ‘Top Dog’ Junkyard Dog says…something…Hulk Hogan explains again why the Funks and Jimmy Hart have a problem with JYD because the man himself can’t. It’s apparently jealousy…
Backstage, Terry and Hoss Funk are practicing throwing the megaphone to one another, which Jimmy Hart defends as practicing “hand to eye coordination”. A clip of their win at WrestleMania 2 is shown, and after being informed that the Haiti Kid will be in the corner of their opponents tonight, Jimmy Hart introduces Jimmy Jack Funk (in a Zorro mask and a bullrope around his neck) as their counter. Except, when we see the ring, Jimmy Jack – Zorro Funk – is nowhere to be seen. For his part, the Haiti Kid says he’s never afraid of a man in red underwear, which is very specific. ‘Top Dog’ Junkyard Dog says…something…Hulk Hogan explains again why the Funks and Jimmy Hart have a problem with JYD because the man himself can’t. It’s apparently jealousy…
hulk hogan & junkyard dog (w/the haiti kid) vs. terry & hoss funk (w/jimmy hart)
JYD slams the Funks to start the match off, and Hogan then drops to his knees and does the JYD crawling headbutt spot. Hogan barks like a JYD and JYD rips his Hulkamania shirt off like a Hulk Hogan whilst Bobby Heenan says they’re both so stupid they can’t even tell which one of them is which. The Haiti Kid pulls Jimmy Hart off the apron and then scarpers under the ring to avoid repercussions.
In the ring, Hoss tries to slam JYD but only gets slammed himself as a result. Heenan wonders what the “Thump” on JYD’s backside means. Junkyard ducks out the way from a Terry Funk charge and he careers into the ring post shoulder first. Enraged on the outside, Terry goes after the Haiti Kid, as Heenan cheers him on by saying, “Get that dirty little midget!” Hogan and Hoss are soon both tagged in, but the Hulkster manages to confuse the Funks with some criss-cross action and takes both of them out with clotheslines and an elbow.
In the ring, Hoss tries to slam JYD but only gets slammed himself as a result. Heenan wonders what the “Thump” on JYD’s backside means. Junkyard ducks out the way from a Terry Funk charge and he careers into the ring post shoulder first. Enraged on the outside, Terry goes after the Haiti Kid, as Heenan cheers him on by saying, “Get that dirty little midget!” Hogan and Hoss are soon both tagged in, but the Hulkster manages to confuse the Funks with some criss-cross action and takes both of them out with clotheslines and an elbow.
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JYD doesn’t fair as well, and Terry takes control with some elbows to avenge his Bahamas nightmare, although he aims them at his head, which doesn’t always end well – The Brain explains this by informing us that, “Mother Nature protects the weakest part of the body with the strongest.” Funk jabs away, but one punch from JYD sends Terrible Terry spinning across the ring. Both Hoss and Terry then take big bumps in the corners, but the tide changes when Jimmy Hart nails the Haiti Kid in the head with the branding iron. JYD takes his corner man to the back, making it a perfect time for a break.
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We return from the break to see Hogan having no problem fighting off the numbers game, and Terry Funk gets dumped on the announce table as JYD returns to ringside. Back inside, Hogan blocks Hoss’s suplex and nails one himself, but going back to the outside backfires when Terry nails the Hulkster with the branding iron and beats him down with the help of Jimmy Hart. JYD comes to the rescue, slamming Terry on the arena floor, and allowing Hogan an opportunity to backdrop Funk on the concrete as well. The Funks regain control when Hoss jabs JYD in the throat, and the Haiti Kid returns with an elaborate bandage wrapped around his head. The crowd begin a huge “JYD!’ chant, and it pays dividends as Funks punches have no effect and he misses a top rope splash, allowing Hogan the chance to make the hot tag, nail Terry with a clothesline and the big legdrop, and get the three.
The frustrated heels then attack the Haiti Kid, but Hogan makes the save before they brand him. Zorro Funk only appears now, but the foursome of the Funks and Jimmy Hart back slowly away from the duo of JYD and Hogan, allowing the faces to dance their way to the break. Sadly, Terry Funk would leave the WWF shortly after this, leaving Hoss and Zorro to fly the Funk flag…
The frustrated heels then attack the Haiti Kid, but Hogan makes the save before they brand him. Zorro Funk only appears now, but the foursome of the Funks and Jimmy Hart back slowly away from the duo of JYD and Hogan, allowing the faces to dance their way to the break. Sadly, Terry Funk would leave the WWF shortly after this, leaving Hoss and Zorro to fly the Funk flag…
the battle of the big boys: uncle elmer vs. king kong bundy
We see footage of the weigh-in earlier: Bundy is at 468 pounds, whereas Uncle Elmer – despite holding a massive bucket of Uncle Elmer’s Fried Pig Parts (complete with chomping sound effects fresh out of ZZZappp) – only weighs in at 430. Bobby Heenan has elected to stay at the commentary table, in order to prove the awesome athleticism of Bundy.
The Big Boys lock-up with neither man getting anywhere. Bundy runs into Elmer, but he doesn’t budge. Instead, The Hairless One tries some clubbing blows that manage to get the hillbilly down to his knees and enables Bundy to choke him out. Elmer punches his way back into the match, and he rams his bottom into Bundy in the corner. A first splash in the corner connects for Uncle Elmer, but he misses a second one, enabling Bundy to hit an elbow and get a rather easy three count. This would be the end for Elmer, and six months after the high of his wedding on national television, he would be on his way out of the WWF, leaving Hillbilly Jim as the last hillbilly standing. |
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Mean Gene is with ‘Adorable’ Adrian Adonis, Jimmy Hart, and a cardboard cut-out of ‘Mr Wonderful’ Paul Orndorff. Adonis talks about how amazing Orndorff and uses some single entendre to talk about his opponent. Gene quickly grows tired of this, saying “We don’t have enough time for this” and cuts the whole thing off. Elsewhere, Gene is in a sauna with Paul Orndorff, who refers to Adonis and Hart as “The Blimp and The Wimp.”
'mr wonderful' paul orndorff vs. 'adorable' adrian adonis (w/jimmy hart)
Orndorff explodes out of the blocks with hip tosses and a slam that sends Adonis – who is sporting a dress that would have done Homer Simpson proud in his extreme obesity days – scurrying to the outside. A whip to the turnbuckle sees Adonis do the Ric Flair flip over the turnbuckles and to the outside again. Vince and Bobby begin to insinuate that Adonis is perhaps not “a man’s man…” An abdominal stretch by Orndorff is not entirely successful as Adonis’s dress makes it difficult for Mr Wonderful to fully wrap his leg around the Adorable One.
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Referee Tim White, with seemingly painted-on beard, stops Orndorff from striking Adonis in the corner, as the babyface is showing some serious aggression here…either it’s because he’s foreshadowing something, or he just really, really doesn’t like homosexuals.
Adonis again sails outside, this time from a back bodydrop, and Orndorff pulls Jimmy Hart in the ring, lifts him onto his shoulders with ease, and then drops him over the top onto the Adorable One, setting us up for a break. When we return, Orndorff does the same to Adonis, lifting him up deadweight onto his shoulders and giving him an airplane spin. They stumble to the ropes, with Adonis clearly trying to take Orndorff with him, but Mr Wonderful not up for it. So, Adonis tumbles out and then has to drag Orndorff out by his feet under the bottom rope. This allows some shenanigans to take place with Jimmy Hart, which allows Adonis to nail Orndorff in the back of the head with the megaphone, which he sells very well.
Adonis struts around the ring without ever doing much to Orndorff, as Heenan notes that Mr Wonderful is working “on fumes”. McMahon says that he thought that was Adonis, to which the Brain retorts, “No, that’s perfume.” It’s much funnier when you hear it. A suplex gets two for Adonis, but his splash from the top is only met by Orndorff’s knees. Orndorff upgrades to a running knee, and the Adorable One gets caught up in the ropes, allowing the ever-more vicious Mr Wonderful to put the boots in. A dropkick then sends Adonis in a completely illogical direction and he bangs into the ring post as Orndorff pounces, ripping the dress off of Adonis and using it to choke his opponent out. Tim White tries to interfere, but the increasingly more aggressive Orndorff pushes the ref away, earning himself a disqualification.
The heels manage to escape, and Vince does not hide his disgust at Adonis’s fat as the Adorable One desperately tries to hitch up his wrestling trunks.
Adonis again sails outside, this time from a back bodydrop, and Orndorff pulls Jimmy Hart in the ring, lifts him onto his shoulders with ease, and then drops him over the top onto the Adorable One, setting us up for a break. When we return, Orndorff does the same to Adonis, lifting him up deadweight onto his shoulders and giving him an airplane spin. They stumble to the ropes, with Adonis clearly trying to take Orndorff with him, but Mr Wonderful not up for it. So, Adonis tumbles out and then has to drag Orndorff out by his feet under the bottom rope. This allows some shenanigans to take place with Jimmy Hart, which allows Adonis to nail Orndorff in the back of the head with the megaphone, which he sells very well.
Adonis struts around the ring without ever doing much to Orndorff, as Heenan notes that Mr Wonderful is working “on fumes”. McMahon says that he thought that was Adonis, to which the Brain retorts, “No, that’s perfume.” It’s much funnier when you hear it. A suplex gets two for Adonis, but his splash from the top is only met by Orndorff’s knees. Orndorff upgrades to a running knee, and the Adorable One gets caught up in the ropes, allowing the ever-more vicious Mr Wonderful to put the boots in. A dropkick then sends Adonis in a completely illogical direction and he bangs into the ring post as Orndorff pounces, ripping the dress off of Adonis and using it to choke his opponent out. Tim White tries to interfere, but the increasingly more aggressive Orndorff pushes the ref away, earning himself a disqualification.
The heels manage to escape, and Vince does not hide his disgust at Adonis’s fat as the Adorable One desperately tries to hitch up his wrestling trunks.
We fade out to the arena earlier that day, as Hulk Hogan sits with Mean Gene in the expensive seats. They recount the King Kong Bundy feud, and even show footage from the cage match at WrestleMania 2, as Hogan informs us he hasn’t finished getting his revenge yet, and he will take out Bundy, Muraco, Heenan and Mr Fuji soon enough.
Back in the locker room, Mean Gene is with Ricky ‘The Dragon’ Steamboat, who is ready to be Jake The Snake’s first real challenge. Jake, meanwhile, cuts a creepy promo with Damien slithering around his neck, as he tells his snake he must squeeze the life out of “that little Hawaiian”.
Back in the locker room, Mean Gene is with Ricky ‘The Dragon’ Steamboat, who is ready to be Jake The Snake’s first real challenge. Jake, meanwhile, cuts a creepy promo with Damien slithering around his neck, as he tells his snake he must squeeze the life out of “that little Hawaiian”.
ricky 'the dragon' steamboat vs. jake 'the snake' roberts
Jake doesn’t wait for the bell, and clotheslines Steamboat on the apron as The Dragon is waving to the fans. Another stiff clothesline sends Steamboat down to the floor. Roberts is straight out after him, lifts him up, and then hits the DDT on the arena floor, legitimately knocking The Dragon out. Jake lifts Steamboat’s dead weight into the ring, and lets Damien slither all over his unconscious opponent. A stretcher is brought out for Ricky, and we see his concerned wife as he is carried out of the arena. Awesome angle.
Mean Gene is with the British Bulldogs, their green cards all legal now, and their manager, Capt. Lou Albano. We get footage of their title win at WrestleMania 2, and the Captain informs us that they’re “ready, Teddy.”
tag team titles 2 out of 3 falls match: the british bulldogs (c) (w/capt. lou albano) vs. the iron sheik & nikolai volkoff (w/'classy' freddie blassie)
Vince says that Volkoff knows just “as much about singing as Russia does running a nuclear reactor”, and says the results of both are about the same. Which means Chernobyl is equal to singing the National Anthem of a country you don’t like, I guess.
Volkoff starts with Davey Boy Smith. The Communist misses a charge, and a small package from Davey Boy gets a two. This only serves to upset Volkoff, who drops Smith throat first across the top rope. The Iron Sheik is in with a neat back suplex and he jumps straight into the camel clutch for a very quick submission and victory in the first fall. Vince fears that the tag team titles will be leaving the free world… |
When we return, Volkoff is destroying Davey Boy. The Iron Sheik spits on the Bulldog before a big clothesline and abdominal stretch. Davey Boy manages to hiptoss his way out, but he misses an elbow and Sheik and Volkoff take over, beating him down in their corner. Vince speculates that the Dynamite Kid is injured and that is why we haven’t seen him in action yet, which was apparently true. Meanwhile, Davey Boy performs a sunset flip on Volkoff but the Sheik distracts the ref and there’s no count until it’s far too late and Volkoff kicks out quickly. Sheik gets a two count from a gut-wrench suplex. Davey Boy fights back with an atomic drop and a back elbow, but he doesn’t make the tag to Dynamite. Freddie Blassie grabs Smith’s hair, allowing Sheik to ram Davey Boy into the ropes. A slam follows, but Davey Boy’s foot is on the ropes. Volkoff thinks that they have won, to which Vince yells in his best Mr McMahon voice, “That idiot!” Davey Boy takes advantage by bouncing Volkoff into the Sheik and rolling up for a three count to equal the match at one fall apiece.
As we return for the third fall it’s confirmed that Dynamite has torn a ligament in his leg. Davey Boy is getting pummelled by Volkoff in the meantime. Sheik locks a Boston Crab in, but Davey Boy manages to make it to the ropes. A backbreaker submission by Volkoff is dropped down into an offensive backbreaker. We have a rest as Nikolai locks a bear hug in, giving Vince a chance to praise the Bulldogs’ bravery (well, Davey Boy’s bravery). Davey Boy breaks free, and manages to nail his running powerslam on Sheik, only for Volkoff to break it up. Davey Boy finally tags Dynamite in, but he only gets a bear hug from Volkoff and a gut-wrench from Sheik. Sensing blood, Sheik locks in the Camel Clutch, but during a skirmish involving the other participants, Davey Boy pulls Sheik off of Dynamite and rolls him up himself to get the illegal three even though he was wearing light blue trunks and Dynamite was in red.
Heenan is rightly livid at the Bulldogs cheating their way to victory, but Vince just talks repeatedly about justice. Justice.
As we return for the third fall it’s confirmed that Dynamite has torn a ligament in his leg. Davey Boy is getting pummelled by Volkoff in the meantime. Sheik locks a Boston Crab in, but Davey Boy manages to make it to the ropes. A backbreaker submission by Volkoff is dropped down into an offensive backbreaker. We have a rest as Nikolai locks a bear hug in, giving Vince a chance to praise the Bulldogs’ bravery (well, Davey Boy’s bravery). Davey Boy breaks free, and manages to nail his running powerslam on Sheik, only for Volkoff to break it up. Davey Boy finally tags Dynamite in, but he only gets a bear hug from Volkoff and a gut-wrench from Sheik. Sensing blood, Sheik locks in the Camel Clutch, but during a skirmish involving the other participants, Davey Boy pulls Sheik off of Dynamite and rolls him up himself to get the illegal three even though he was wearing light blue trunks and Dynamite was in red.
Heenan is rightly livid at the Bulldogs cheating their way to victory, but Vince just talks repeatedly about justice. Justice.
Vince and Bobby recap the show, but Vince forgets Bundy’s win. Heenan makes sure to remind everyone about it though.
let me tell you something, mean gene
This show posted a 9.3 rating, which whilst mightily impressive, was down from the 10+ numbers for the last few shows. It also seemed to suffer a little from lack of direction, especially compared to the previous SNME, which was full of angles and storyline development. Here, we got the truly awesome segment between Jake Roberts and Ricky Steamboat that set up their feud, but other than that it was a somewhat subdued evening.
Hulk Hogan had nothing to do other than imitate Junkyard Dog, which is not the position you want your champion and top star to be in on national television, and following his WrestleMania portrayal, Uncle Elmer was maybe not the best way to start rebuilding King Kong Bundy as a devastating monster. The Tag Team Title match was easily the best on the card, as seems to be the norm for this period, although it suffered slightly from a lack of Dynamite Kid and a slower pace than The Dream Team-Bulldogs matches. Davey Boy did hold his own as the guy carrying the match, who had always been Dynamite up to this point, but the finish felt a little flat as Dynamite’s injury stopped him from pulling off a truly hot tag and unleashing some of his exciting offense.
Nonetheless, there was nothing too bad about this show, and Bobby ‘The Brain’ Heenan showed that he was set to be a great colour commentator, although NBC seemingly disagreed and pressured Vince into bringing Jesse Ventura back for the next season. So, somewhat of a placeholder show, but business was certainly about to pick up…
Hulk Hogan had nothing to do other than imitate Junkyard Dog, which is not the position you want your champion and top star to be in on national television, and following his WrestleMania portrayal, Uncle Elmer was maybe not the best way to start rebuilding King Kong Bundy as a devastating monster. The Tag Team Title match was easily the best on the card, as seems to be the norm for this period, although it suffered slightly from a lack of Dynamite Kid and a slower pace than The Dream Team-Bulldogs matches. Davey Boy did hold his own as the guy carrying the match, who had always been Dynamite up to this point, but the finish felt a little flat as Dynamite’s injury stopped him from pulling off a truly hot tag and unleashing some of his exciting offense.
Nonetheless, there was nothing too bad about this show, and Bobby ‘The Brain’ Heenan showed that he was set to be a great colour commentator, although NBC seemingly disagreed and pressured Vince into bringing Jesse Ventura back for the next season. So, somewhat of a placeholder show, but business was certainly about to pick up…