saturday night's main event 4
Nikolai Volkoff finds the solution to ending the Cold War, George Steele's heart begins to melt, and Hulk Hogan drugs Mean Gene...it's a new year of Saturday Night's Main Event!
history in the making
After beating Junkyard Dog on the last Saturday Night’s Main Event, Terry Funk sent a message to WWF Champion Hulk Hogan by branding him on a card in Denver. Despite this being a clash between a former NWA Champion and certified legend in Terry Funk and the biggest star of the 80s in Hogan, it’s promoted as just another title defence, as the WWF was very much against recognising anything that anyone had done outside of their company.
George “The Animal” Steele had decided to return to the ring after Mean Gene had discovered him at the zoo on the previous SNME and he was set to take on ‘Macho Man’ Randy Savage, who was weeks away from a big shot at Intercontinental champion Tito Santana in Boston.
George “The Animal” Steele had decided to return to the ring after Mean Gene had discovered him at the zoo on the previous SNME and he was set to take on ‘Macho Man’ Randy Savage, who was weeks away from a big shot at Intercontinental champion Tito Santana in Boston.
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As the wrestlers are in sunny Florida, they are all at a water park for various segments throughout the show, which means for once that it will be normal for all these men to be hanging around each other in their tiny speedos...
it's a happening
Fun in the sun as the wrestlers are at a water park: Hulk Hogan is making his patented Python Protein shake which causes Mean Gene to have some kind of a fit as a result of drinking it; Roddy Piper is spying on the hillbillies with binoculars as they take a dip in the pool, or, their “annual bath” as Hot Rod describes it – for some reason he is more concerned with watching fat, hairy men than the bevvy of bikini-clad women who are massaging him and Jesse Ventura.
In the arena, Vince runs down the card (including promoting a Peace match that is a direct result of the Geneva Summit) until Jesse ‘The Body’ enters to promote his match and the fact that he is the only sporting announcer going who will back up his words. Ventura brings Bobby ‘The Brain’ Heenan in to replace him and the “Weasel!” chants immediately erupt.
Mean Gene is with Roddy Piper and Bob Orton. “You’re talking about people whose idea of enjoyment is eating the feet of pigs…” Ventura joins his partners as Piper blames the hillbillies for creating this situation. Hillbilly Jim says their family pride is on the line, and Bobby Heenan refrains from the opportunity to make in-bred jokes.
In the arena, Vince runs down the card (including promoting a Peace match that is a direct result of the Geneva Summit) until Jesse ‘The Body’ enters to promote his match and the fact that he is the only sporting announcer going who will back up his words. Ventura brings Bobby ‘The Brain’ Heenan in to replace him and the “Weasel!” chants immediately erupt.
Mean Gene is with Roddy Piper and Bob Orton. “You’re talking about people whose idea of enjoyment is eating the feet of pigs…” Ventura joins his partners as Piper blames the hillbillies for creating this situation. Hillbilly Jim says their family pride is on the line, and Bobby Heenan refrains from the opportunity to make in-bred jokes.
uncle elmer, hillbilly jim & cousin luke vs. 'rowdy' roddy piper, jesse 'the body' ventura & 'cowboy' bob orton
Ventura and Uncle Elmer circle each other to start. Eye rake and hard rights from Ventura then meet some clubbing blows from Elmer that send Ventura all over the ring. Elmer hoists Ventura into the air with a standing choke and tags Hillbilly Jim in for a headlock. Vince is enjoying Ventura’s predicament, and Heenan tells him that Jesse was right, “you are biased!” Ventura gets a knee in and escapes to tag Piper. Jim does the same to Cousin Luke, who is offered a handshake by Piper, the old sport. Luke takes the cheap shot kick to the stomach. Piper and Orton hit Luke with a double back elbow and they trade shots on the youngster. A big kneelift by Piper is followed by him spitting at Hillbilly Jim. After a false tag to Hillbilly Jim, Cousin Luke finally makes a legitimate tag to Uncle Elmer, and he trades blows with Piper to quite a lot of heat. Elmer locks in a bear hug to even more cheers. Piper rakes the eyes to break it up and everyone gets involved for a big brawl. The heels head outside so that we can take a break…
Everyone is back in brawling when we return, until it settles down to Piper and Hillbilly Jim, who takes over with an arm wringer. Piper slowly inches his way to his corner, getting the tag to Ventura, who gains the upper hand and allows his team to trade tags and dominate Hillbilly. The hillbilly, Hillbilly, tags Luke in and he knocks everyone down with axehandle smashes but walks right into Piper’s sleeperhold. Everyone else comes in again; allowing Bob Orton to nail Cousin Luke with the cast while the referee is distracted. Piper reapplies the sleeper, and gets the victory as a result of Luke being unconscious. Piper celebrates like he just won the WWF Championship as the heels make their quick, yet victorious, exit. Roddy Piper and Jesse Ventura enjoyed teaming up so much that they decided to take their partnership to TV land…
Everyone is back in brawling when we return, until it settles down to Piper and Hillbilly Jim, who takes over with an arm wringer. Piper slowly inches his way to his corner, getting the tag to Ventura, who gains the upper hand and allows his team to trade tags and dominate Hillbilly. The hillbilly, Hillbilly, tags Luke in and he knocks everyone down with axehandle smashes but walks right into Piper’s sleeperhold. Everyone else comes in again; allowing Bob Orton to nail Cousin Luke with the cast while the referee is distracted. Piper reapplies the sleeper, and gets the victory as a result of Luke being unconscious. Piper celebrates like he just won the WWF Championship as the heels make their quick, yet victorious, exit. Roddy Piper and Jesse Ventura enjoyed teaming up so much that they decided to take their partnership to TV land…
Jesse returns to the announce booth and exchanges compliments with Bobby Heenan as they trade places and we are taken to the water park.
Jimmy Hart is getting his revenge on Junkyard Dog for branding his backside in his tighty-reddies by challenging him to…a waterslide challenge? JYD tells us that he only agreed because Jimmy promised to wear the same underwear. Okay…JYD wins the challenge after Jimmy gets caught at the top of the slide momentarily.
At poolside, Terry Funk is trying to get a tan in preparation for the Sports Illustrated cover that will come his way after he beats Hulk Hogan for the WWF Championship later and is either shielding his eyes from the sun or trying to read cue cards as he cuts his promo. Footage is shown of Funk branding Hogan in Denver. Hogan isn’t going to let the branding happen again, so he has Junkyard Dog in his corner to keep an eye on Jimmy Hart and his underwear, you would have to assume.
Jimmy Hart is getting his revenge on Junkyard Dog for branding his backside in his tighty-reddies by challenging him to…a waterslide challenge? JYD tells us that he only agreed because Jimmy promised to wear the same underwear. Okay…JYD wins the challenge after Jimmy gets caught at the top of the slide momentarily.
At poolside, Terry Funk is trying to get a tan in preparation for the Sports Illustrated cover that will come his way after he beats Hulk Hogan for the WWF Championship later and is either shielding his eyes from the sun or trying to read cue cards as he cuts his promo. Footage is shown of Funk branding Hogan in Denver. Hogan isn’t going to let the branding happen again, so he has Junkyard Dog in his corner to keep an eye on Jimmy Hart and his underwear, you would have to assume.
wwf championship: hulk hogan (c) (w/ junkyard dog) vs. terry funk (w/ jimmy hart)
Vince says this is Hogan’s biggest match since WrestleMania – and of course he is taking on one of the biggest foreign stars ever in Japan and a former NWA champion, but that’s not why this is big, it’s because Vince McMahon says so. Junkyard Dog manhandles little Jimmy Hart and thrusts him into a chair.
Hogan is wearing sky blue trunks, which is the oddest thing on a show that includes hillbillies, waterslide challenges and references to an important political summit. They start with some Irish whip reversals that lead to Hogan nailing Funk with a running clothesline in the corner. Funk bails outside as Ventura argues that JYD has no right to be at ringside; Vince’s counter to that is “he has every right to watch Hulk Hogan’s backside.” Indeed. Hogan and Funk lock-up again as Ventura describes the Funker as “middle-aged and crazy” – in 1986…Some more reversals and Funk spreads himself out on the map to avoid Hogan, but the Hulkster just runs over Funk’s back several times in a neat spot. Outraged by this dominance, Funk heads outside the ring to throw the timekeeper table over and hurl a chair into the ring, which Hogan props up and takes a load of with.
Back inside, Funk lands some chops, but Hogan comes back with big rights and a back suplex for two. Head-butts from Terrible Terry stagger the champ, and a low mule kick takes him down at last. Being a heel in the eighties, however, Funk heads to the top rope, giving Hulk the chance to regain his composure, shake the ropes and send Funk sailing onto the ropes in the most uncomfortable manner possible. Hogan explodes with an atomic drop, running clothesline and a running elbow but doesn’t make a pin. Instead, Hogan hits the rope once more, only for Jimmy Hart to grab the leg. This prompts Junkyard Dog into action, chasing The Mouth of the South under the ring. The distraction is enough for Funk to take control, however, and he uses his wrist tape to choke out the Hulkster, but cleverly uses his forearm to conceal the fact from the referee – “genius”, as Ventura describes it. A Funk piledriver gets a very close two, with Hogan only just rolling out of the pin.
Hogan is wearing sky blue trunks, which is the oddest thing on a show that includes hillbillies, waterslide challenges and references to an important political summit. They start with some Irish whip reversals that lead to Hogan nailing Funk with a running clothesline in the corner. Funk bails outside as Ventura argues that JYD has no right to be at ringside; Vince’s counter to that is “he has every right to watch Hulk Hogan’s backside.” Indeed. Hogan and Funk lock-up again as Ventura describes the Funker as “middle-aged and crazy” – in 1986…Some more reversals and Funk spreads himself out on the map to avoid Hogan, but the Hulkster just runs over Funk’s back several times in a neat spot. Outraged by this dominance, Funk heads outside the ring to throw the timekeeper table over and hurl a chair into the ring, which Hogan props up and takes a load of with.
Back inside, Funk lands some chops, but Hogan comes back with big rights and a back suplex for two. Head-butts from Terrible Terry stagger the champ, and a low mule kick takes him down at last. Being a heel in the eighties, however, Funk heads to the top rope, giving Hulk the chance to regain his composure, shake the ropes and send Funk sailing onto the ropes in the most uncomfortable manner possible. Hogan explodes with an atomic drop, running clothesline and a running elbow but doesn’t make a pin. Instead, Hogan hits the rope once more, only for Jimmy Hart to grab the leg. This prompts Junkyard Dog into action, chasing The Mouth of the South under the ring. The distraction is enough for Funk to take control, however, and he uses his wrist tape to choke out the Hulkster, but cleverly uses his forearm to conceal the fact from the referee – “genius”, as Ventura describes it. A Funk piledriver gets a very close two, with Hogan only just rolling out of the pin.
The Hulk Up begins, as Funk’s jabs do very little to hurt the champion. A big boot from Hogan sends the challenger to the outside, but the referee gets distracted as Hogan tries to suplex Funk back inside, so Hart nails him with the branding iron. Hulkster manages to get his foot on the ropes during the resulting pin, but Funk thinks he has won the belt. JYD takes out Jimmy Hart on the outside as Funk goes ballistic on the referee. The Funker turns around, only to meet a lariat from Hogan, giving the champion the three count.
Funk is not happy as a result, and drags the referee all over the timekeeper’s table and throws chairs in the ring. Mean Gene gets a word with the winner and his backside watcher, who refers to himself as “Deputy Dog.” |
We are treated to a flashback of the George Steele story, which was not the greatest piece of storytelling ever told by Vince McMahon, but judging by the reaction he received at this time, it was effective.
Macho Man is at poolside with Jesse Ventura, and is trying to teach Elizabeth how to swim. He does so by throwing the poor young lady into the water. Vince is irate about it back in the arena, but as Jesse correctly points out, she survived…
Macho Man is at poolside with Jesse Ventura, and is trying to teach Elizabeth how to swim. He does so by throwing the poor young lady into the water. Vince is irate about it back in the arena, but as Jesse correctly points out, she survived…
george 'the animal' steele (w/ capt. lou albano) vs. randy 'macho man' savage (w/ elizabeth)
Savage gets distracted by a fan on his way to the ring, and as Elizabeth patiently awaits her man, holding the ring ropes open for him, The Animal stalks over and starts stroking her, Liz doesn’t stop him but looks distinctly uncomfortable. Bizarrely, Vince McMahon, the babyface commentator, defends Steele’s sexually aggressive behaviour whilst Jesse Ventura, the heel commentator, points out the complete inappropriateness of his actions. Savage, for his part, realises that something is amiss, and of course threatens to slap Elizabeth as a result.
The match finally gets underway, with The Animal waving and flapping his arms, freaking Savage out enough that he bails to the outside. Eventually they lock up, but Steele bites the Macho Man and throws him over the top rope. Steele follows Savage outside, but stops dead in his tracks upon laying eyes on Elizabeth again. Savage decides to take an opportunity, but his axehandle misses and The Animal takes control again in the ring with some clubbing blows and kicks. Savage goes to the outside – again – and encourages a chase, only to pull Liz in front of him to stop his opponent dead in his tracks. Jesse hails it as a “brilliant manoeuvre” and it seems to affect the Animal, as he heads back into the ring and starts tearing up the turnbuckle. He uses one of his most devastating moves, raking turnbuckle foam into Savage’s eyes. However, the Lovely Elizabeth moves in to his eye line once again, and as Steele lusts, the Macho Man flies off the top with an axehandle and manages to get the three count. Savage gets his lovely valet and scarpers sharpish, whilst Vince speculates if George Steele may have fallen in love.
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“You gotta boogie on down, Hulkster!” Mean Gene implores Hulk Hogan at poolside. It’s time for the Year In Review video, which features mostly clips from WrestleMania and the first few editions of Saturday Night Main Event. Jesse is not so pleased with Dick Ebersol of NBC for not featuring him in the video.
Nikolai Volkoff is with Mean Gene and his manager, ‘Classy’ Freddie Blassie. Nikolai informs us he will end US militarism by outwrestling Corporal Kirchner. But just in case, his friend The Iron Sheik will be there to support him.
Corporal Kirchner is at poolside to tell us that he received the best training in the world from the US military. He kindly demonstrates this by showing us the correct way to enter the water via zip-line.
Corporal Kirchner is at poolside to tell us that he received the best training in the world from the US military. He kindly demonstrates this by showing us the correct way to enter the water via zip-line.
peace match: corporal kirchner vs. nikolai volkoff (w/ freddie blassie)
Kirchner interrupts the Soviet Anthem to begin the Peace Match on the most respectful of terms. The rules here are that the rules will be observed with reverence by both wrestlers.
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They lock up and Nikolai Volkoff breaks cleanly. Corporal Kirchner then does the same. Volkoff uses an amateur takedown, but Kirchner reverses it into a headlock, which Nikolai manages to roll into a pin for a two count. Volkoff tries to power out of the headlock a few times, but eventually makes the ropes, causing the Corporal to break cleanly. It gets a bit clumsy, with an awkward bridge from Volkoff and a botched roll-up from Kirchner, both of which get two counts. They break cleanly again, and even shake hands quickly. Volkoff cartwheels out of an exchange, but is quickly brought into a hammerlock. This time, though, Volkoff doesn’t break cleanly, and takes advantage with a stun gun on the ropes and a knee drop to get a three count and win it for the Soviet Union.
We get a flashback of the Muraco/Fuji attack on Steamboat where they hung him from the ropes.
At poolside, girls flock to the Magnificent Muraco. In the arena, Muraco completely freezes and can think of nothing to say, so Fuji tells us that in Japan, they cook, boil and fry dogs. But Ricky Steamboat is a dragon, Fuji…
The Dragon for his part reminds us that he’s been hung, hit with a chair, but he’s never been beaten. JYD says…something…
At poolside, girls flock to the Magnificent Muraco. In the arena, Muraco completely freezes and can think of nothing to say, so Fuji tells us that in Japan, they cook, boil and fry dogs. But Ricky Steamboat is a dragon, Fuji…
The Dragon for his part reminds us that he’s been hung, hit with a chair, but he’s never been beaten. JYD says…something…
ricky 'the dragon' steamboat & junkyard dog vs. mr fuji & the magnificent muraco
The heels take advantage from the off, Fuji slamming Steamboat on the outside whilst Muraco works over JYD in the ring. Muraco nails a back body drop, but he misses the Fuji Ball-Butt. JYD then slams Fuji, performs a very weak arm drag on Muraco and a much better powerslam. The heels regain control, though, trading tags and keeping the Dog at bay. Steamboat gets a huge “JYD!” chant going, but that’s quietened by the Fuji Ball-Butt. Muraco misses a charge into the corner, leading to the hot tag to The Dragon, who starts chopping everything in sight. He treats us to an enziguri, and then slingshots Muraco into Fuji. Up top, and Steamboat flies off with a body press that nearly gets three until Fuji breaks up the pinfall attempt. Fuji then tries an atomic drop, but Steamboat floats out the back and tags JYD, who comes in with a single head-butt to Fuji to get the three count to end the feud – between Steamboat and Fuji/Muraco.
Vince and Jesse wrap up, McMahon thinking the Hogan title defence was the biggest thing of the night, whilst Ventura of course disagrees, making the case for his six-man tag victory.
well you know something, mean gene...
Perhaps the best Saturday Night's Main Event so far. There was certainly no filler on the card, and every match had a meaning behind it - no squashes or Tony Garea & Lanny Poffo challenging for the tag titles...
The show marked the end of the hillbilly mega-push, with Piper, Ventura and Orton taking the win and sending Elmer and company back down the card or towards the exit door. Not much happened in their match, which was mostly punching and kicking apart from when Orton was in the ring, but no one stayed in the ring long enough to make the match too boring and repetitive. With this out the way, it would make sense now for Piper, the best heel in the company, to move onto something serious. Let's see...
Hogan again had a fun little match in his off-putting sky blue trunks, and Funk bumped around the ring in the way only he could, hurling chairs and being generally crazy. Hogan's matches on these early SNME shows have all been pretty entertaining without ever being amazing, and the incredible crowd reactions he was getting certainly help every little thing seem more exciting than it would have been in an Iron Mike Sharpe match.
The end of the Steamboat/Muraco feud featured another half-decent tag match that was pretty good when Steamboat was in the ring, and pretty not good when JYD was in there. JYD was featured heavily here, seconding Hogan, beating Jimmy Hart in a waterslide challenge, talking a lot about backsides and men's underwear, and finishing the night by winning Steamboat's feud for him. This would be the peak of JYD's WWF run, however, and the next two years would see him slowly move down the card, and his effort in his matches declined in direct relation to this movement...
Randy Savage is just weeks away from winning the Intercontinental title, and already has a feud set up for him after that win with George Steele. The idea of Steele taking a shine to Elizabeth was actually pretty decent, and fit with the direction the WWF was taking and played well on Savage's real-life demeanour around his wife. The match, however, was not good, but it was mostly an angle to establish the new feud, so you can get away with not really doing any moves.
So, an international incident averted, Hogan slaying another challenge, two feuds ended, another begun, and Mean Gene not seeming to have any serious side-effects from his drugging in the opening segment adds up to a fun enough way to begin 1986, which would see the WWF and NWA really set up their stalls as two very different kinds of professional wrestling...
The show marked the end of the hillbilly mega-push, with Piper, Ventura and Orton taking the win and sending Elmer and company back down the card or towards the exit door. Not much happened in their match, which was mostly punching and kicking apart from when Orton was in the ring, but no one stayed in the ring long enough to make the match too boring and repetitive. With this out the way, it would make sense now for Piper, the best heel in the company, to move onto something serious. Let's see...
Hogan again had a fun little match in his off-putting sky blue trunks, and Funk bumped around the ring in the way only he could, hurling chairs and being generally crazy. Hogan's matches on these early SNME shows have all been pretty entertaining without ever being amazing, and the incredible crowd reactions he was getting certainly help every little thing seem more exciting than it would have been in an Iron Mike Sharpe match.
The end of the Steamboat/Muraco feud featured another half-decent tag match that was pretty good when Steamboat was in the ring, and pretty not good when JYD was in there. JYD was featured heavily here, seconding Hogan, beating Jimmy Hart in a waterslide challenge, talking a lot about backsides and men's underwear, and finishing the night by winning Steamboat's feud for him. This would be the peak of JYD's WWF run, however, and the next two years would see him slowly move down the card, and his effort in his matches declined in direct relation to this movement...
Randy Savage is just weeks away from winning the Intercontinental title, and already has a feud set up for him after that win with George Steele. The idea of Steele taking a shine to Elizabeth was actually pretty decent, and fit with the direction the WWF was taking and played well on Savage's real-life demeanour around his wife. The match, however, was not good, but it was mostly an angle to establish the new feud, so you can get away with not really doing any moves.
So, an international incident averted, Hogan slaying another challenge, two feuds ended, another begun, and Mean Gene not seeming to have any serious side-effects from his drugging in the opening segment adds up to a fun enough way to begin 1986, which would see the WWF and NWA really set up their stalls as two very different kinds of professional wrestling...