Saturday Night's main event 2
There is an international incident in the offing, notwithstanding Roddy Piper goes without baby oil, and, notwithstanding carp fight for corn at a hillbilly wedding, notwithstanding...
history in the making
The first Saturday Night's Main Event had scored an impressive 8.80, resulting in more shows being commissioned. Since May, the WWF continued to expand nationally, and other territories (such as the AWA, World Class and Mid-South) were really starting to feel the pinch of the McMahon surge. The rub from mainstream celebrities such as Mr T and Cyndi Lauper had done enough to make Hulk Hogan a legitimate national presence himself, starring in numerous commercials, appearing on talk show after talk show and even having his own cartoon premiering shortly before this SNME. As a result, story lines were once again focusing on wrestlers feuding with wrestlers.
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For this show, Hogan was set to defend the WWF Championship against Nikolai Volkoff, who was offending the freedom-loving American people by making use of free speech to display his patriotism for a country that wasn't America...'Mr Wonderful' Paul Orndorff was set to face off against 'Rowdy' Roddy Piper to settle the feud between them that had begun at WrestleMania, and Piper was also looking to claim a $25,000 bounty from Bobby 'The Brain' Heenan, who was willing to pay anyone capable of taking Orndorff out of wrestling...Heenan's charges Big John Studd and King Kong Bundy had injured Andre The Giant's sternum in the summer, and he was back for revenge with former tag team champion Tony Atlas as his partner...And then there were the hillbillies...
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Since May, the Magnificent Muraco had returned and the likes of Terry Funk, The British Bulldogs and 'Macho Man' Randy Savage had debuted in the WWF, but for the show that would expose his product to a nationwide audience, Vince McMahon decided he would build the night around a hillbilly wedding.
Hillbilly Jim had first appeared in 1984 as an animated 'fan' at ringside. Eventually he was taken under the wing of Hulk Hogan, who trained him how to wrestle in several segments on WWF programming. Jim actually got over pretty well with the fans, but then broke his leg chasing Brutus Beefcake mere days after his in-ring WWF debut. To keep his presence on TV, various family members started to appear that Jim could accompany as a manager to the ring. The first was Uncle Elmer, a massive, barely mobile, even less comprehensible veteran from the Southern territories, who had also wrestled as Kamala II. Yes, he was clearly not from the jungles of Africa but neither was Kamala...Elmer was set to marry Joyce Stazko in the first network television wedding since 1969, much to the upset of lead heels Jesse Ventura and Roddy Piper and, well, almost anyone who liked wrestling. It's not exactly live, it's Saturday night!
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it's a happening
The show opens on Mean Gene Okerlund with Freddie Blassie and Nikolai Volkoff. The world is “on the brink of an international crisis” as Hulk Hogan won’t let Volkoff fly his Soviet flag on US soil. Volkoff says something, and whatever it is “he always means what he says,” according to Blassie. The champion, Hulk Hogan, tells us that Volkoff is no threat to him or his country. So, there’s not much point in them having a match, then.
From “the international scene to the domestic front” – we see the hillbillies preparing for Uncle Elmer’s wedding. Roddy Piper interrupts and starts ranting, but is cut off by the opening credits rolling...
Vince McMahon and Jesse Ventura run through the card, notwithstanding Vince’s need to say “notwithstanding” a half dozen times. Ventura says that marriage has no place in wrestling. When you’re right, you’re right, Jesse. Notwithstanding.
From “the international scene to the domestic front” – we see the hillbillies preparing for Uncle Elmer’s wedding. Roddy Piper interrupts and starts ranting, but is cut off by the opening credits rolling...
Vince McMahon and Jesse Ventura run through the card, notwithstanding Vince’s need to say “notwithstanding” a half dozen times. Ventura says that marriage has no place in wrestling. When you’re right, you’re right, Jesse. Notwithstanding.
wwf championship: hulk hogan (c) vs. nikolai volkoff (w/ 'classy' freddie blassie)
Big boos for Volkoff singing the Soviet anthem, and he actually gets through it without interruption. Ventura notes that the United States is a free country and Volkoff can sing his country’s anthem if he wishes. Defender of civil liberties Hogan of course disagrees, and says seeing “the enemy’s” flag is too much.
Volkoff jumps Hogan from behind and rams him into the turnbuckles whilst Hogan is still wearing his belt. Another buckle ram is blocked and Hogan nails his opponent with a running clothesline and spits on him. Some rights and head-butts knock big Nikolai down. A rather feeble big boot by the Hulkster is still enough to send Volkoff on to the timekeeper’s table. Outside, however, a whip gets reversed and Hogan eats some of the “iron” ring post. Second rope axehandle from Volkoff back inside leads to Nikolai lifting Hogan up in the press slam position and then dropping him down with a backbreaker. Volkoff doesn’t pin him, making Freddie Blassie go crazy on the outside, encouraging him to make the pin. Volkoff eventually does, and only gets a two as a result.
The Hulkster powers out of a backbreaker attempt and lays some shots in, but Volkoff stomps back into control. A power slam gets two. Here comes the Hulk Up. Volkoff misses a dive into the turnbuckles and Hogan quickly hits the legdrop for a somewhat anti-climatic three count.
Ever the decent American, Hogan spits at the USSR flag and shines his shoes with it. Ventura is irate, and so he should be. The crowd, of course, love it.
Volkoff jumps Hogan from behind and rams him into the turnbuckles whilst Hogan is still wearing his belt. Another buckle ram is blocked and Hogan nails his opponent with a running clothesline and spits on him. Some rights and head-butts knock big Nikolai down. A rather feeble big boot by the Hulkster is still enough to send Volkoff on to the timekeeper’s table. Outside, however, a whip gets reversed and Hogan eats some of the “iron” ring post. Second rope axehandle from Volkoff back inside leads to Nikolai lifting Hogan up in the press slam position and then dropping him down with a backbreaker. Volkoff doesn’t pin him, making Freddie Blassie go crazy on the outside, encouraging him to make the pin. Volkoff eventually does, and only gets a two as a result.
The Hulkster powers out of a backbreaker attempt and lays some shots in, but Volkoff stomps back into control. A power slam gets two. Here comes the Hulk Up. Volkoff misses a dive into the turnbuckles and Hogan quickly hits the legdrop for a somewhat anti-climatic three count.
Ever the decent American, Hogan spits at the USSR flag and shines his shoes with it. Ventura is irate, and so he should be. The crowd, of course, love it.
After the break, Mean Gene is with the WWF Champion. Hogan calls Volkoff “baby doll” for some reason, and quickly moves on from that feud by declaring his interest in Mean Gene’s role as organ player for the hillbilly wedding.
There’s a sneak peek at the bride. Ventura wonders if the wedding dress isn’t a little bit “off-white” before we cut to Mean Gene with the hillbillies. Mean Gene tries his hardest to get something of interest out of them, but fails miserably.
There’s a sneak peek at the bride. Ventura wonders if the wedding dress isn’t a little bit “off-white” before we cut to Mean Gene with the hillbillies. Mean Gene tries his hardest to get something of interest out of them, but fails miserably.
uncle elmer vs. 'gentleman' jerry valiant
The Gentleman had become a Valiant in 1979 after Jimmy Valiant contracted hepatitis. His brief run with the WWF did include a Tag Team Title run with Johnny Valiant, but he was essentially retired by the time this match came around.
Valiant runs at Elmer, who picks him up for a slam and the three count.
It’s a new WWF record of six seconds, beating King Kong Bundy’s record from WrestleMania. In fact, they show that match in its entirety. As Vince puts over the quickness of the match, Ventura resists the temptation to make a wedding night comment. Uncle Elmer mumbles and rambles his way through an interview.
Valiant runs at Elmer, who picks him up for a slam and the three count.
It’s a new WWF record of six seconds, beating King Kong Bundy’s record from WrestleMania. In fact, they show that match in its entirety. As Vince puts over the quickness of the match, Ventura resists the temptation to make a wedding night comment. Uncle Elmer mumbles and rambles his way through an interview.
Arnold Schwarzenegger contributes to his Hall Of Fame-worthy career by sitting in the audience.
the body shop
Jesse Ventura is in the ring with Bobby “The Brain” Heenan, who Ventura believes should be the Manager of the Year. They recount the feud between Heenan and Paul Orndorff, and that Heenan has raised his bounty on Mr Wonderful to $50,000, as it’s hard to get anyone to do anything for $25,000. Heenan would of course be very happy to hand the money over to Roddy Piper after his match later.
Mean Gene is with Paul Orndorff, who shows how good he is at playing a considerate, white meat babyface by declaring, “any man who wears a dress around his waist isn’t man enough to get that money. Gene speculates that Piper is already spending the bounty money; “On dresses?” asks Orndorff. “On plumbing for the Piper mansion,” replies Okerlund. That evil bastard.
For his part, Piper tells us that he doesn’t “need to put baby oil on me to look pretty” all the while having a finger jammed right into his ear. If Heenan doesn’t give him the bounty money, then he will rip The Brain’s throat out if he needs to. Back to the big story, however, as Piper says he disagrees with the hillbilly wedding as it could lead to five more Uncle Elmer’s running around.
For his part, Piper tells us that he doesn’t “need to put baby oil on me to look pretty” all the while having a finger jammed right into his ear. If Heenan doesn’t give him the bounty money, then he will rip The Brain’s throat out if he needs to. Back to the big story, however, as Piper says he disagrees with the hillbilly wedding as it could lead to five more Uncle Elmer’s running around.
'mr wonderful' paul orndorff vs. 'rowdy' roddy piper
The referee holds Paul Orndorff back as Piper wants to get in the ring. Heenan appears with a briefcase, shouting “Roddy!” over and over again, a la Alan Partridge.
Eventually, Piper enters and a wild slugfest ensues. Orndorff takes brief control until Piper starts kicking and scrapping. They trade blows again and Mr Wonderful then tackles Piper to the floor. They roll around trying to bite each other, ending with Piper raking the eyes and hitting a DDT! |
Vince McMahon questions if Heenan even has the money to give Piper if he wins. Ventura backs him up as he had seen the cash already during the Body Shop. The two go out to the floor, where Orndorff no-sells a chair shot and then sends Piper into a table. Throwing him back into the ring, Wonderful hits an elbow to the top of the Rowdy One’s head that leaves Piper all wobbly-legged in the ring. The crowd love everything here, even when Piper eye gouges his way back into contention. The pair bash into each other and recover enough for Orndorff to hit a flying body press that takes them both to the outside. Piper hurls a chair that misses Orndorff, before the pair brawl down the ramp and underneath the platform upon which McMahon and Ventura are sitting. They even get backstage, where Piper bails into a dressing room and after a struggle finally gets the door shut to end a wild brawl.
Uncle Elmer gets married
The ring has been done out with an altar, and the babyfaces for the night – Hulk Hogan, Andre The Giant, etc. – are in attendance as well as Hillbilly Jim and Cousin Junior. Mean Gene struggles with the organ slightly. McMahon suggests that Joyce may be having second thoughts as she sees Hogan and Andre. Ventura has a great time, laughing at Uncle Elmer’s inability to repeat his lines, suggesting that Joyce getting hit by a cup is “a sign from Heaven”, and remarks that Elmer is struggling to get the ring on Joyce’s finger because “You know what they say about greasing hogs”.
Roddy Piper appears in response to the question “Does anyone have any reason why these two should not be wed?” and announces that everyone and everything stinks. Hogan runs him off, however, allowing the wedding to conclude to a jubilant and not at all insincere “Hurray!” from Vince. Elmer and Joyce kiss, eliciting the famous Ventura quote, “It’s like two carp going after the same piece of corn.”
Roddy Piper appears in response to the question “Does anyone have any reason why these two should not be wed?” and announces that everyone and everything stinks. Hogan runs him off, however, allowing the wedding to conclude to a jubilant and not at all insincere “Hurray!” from Vince. Elmer and Joyce kiss, eliciting the famous Ventura quote, “It’s like two carp going after the same piece of corn.”
Mean Gene is back with King Kong Bundy, Big John Studd, and Bobby Heenan. Gene says you couldn’t help but be moved by the ceremony, but Heenan says he’ll tell us later what moved. Big John Studd is promoing like it's 1984, declaring that no one can slam him and that he cut Andre’s hair.
andre the giant & 'mr usa' tony atlas vs. big john studd & king kong bundy (w/bobby 'the brain' heenan)
We are shown footage from the Maple Leaf Gardens of Bundy and Studd putting Andre out of action by breaking his sternum.
Andre begins by goozling King Kong Bundy and pushing him to the safety of the ropes. Andre uses the straps on Bundy’s leotard to choke him out, then uses his hefty buttocks to bash Bundy in the corner. Andre uses the hardness of the black man’s head (80s wrestling racism logic) to butt Bundy. In comes Atlas, who loses control to a Big John Studd shoulder breaker. A big leapfrog and jumping head-butts from Atlas sets him up for a power slam attempt, but no one can slam Studd (except for Andre just months prior). A telegraphed dropkick leads Studd to working on Atlas’ arm.
Andre is soon tagged in to a massive pop, and a big boot sends Studd out of the picture. Bundy distracts the Giant in the ring, allowing Studd to ram Atlas’ back into the ring post and take him out of the picture. Both the giant heels double Avalanche Andre to earn the disqualification. A repeat of the Maple Leaf incident is on the cards, until Hulk Hogan runs down to make the save and provide footage for a year’s worth of video packages in 1987.
Mean Gene goes to the zoo
We cut to a pre-taped segment, in which Mean Gene is dressed in a safari outfit at the local zoo. He’s on the hunt for George “The Animal” Steele, who hasn’t been seen since his electric shock therapy went awry.
Okerlund tracks him down, and they take a look at some animals that Steele refers to as several heels in between clips of his babyface turn and therapy. The odd segment ends with Steele running into the bushes as Okerlund wishes him farewell. |
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Footage is shown of The Dream Team winning the tag titles, and we see that the US Express are in the crowd, Barry Windham selling his eye injury by wearing an eye patch.
Tag Team Title Match: the dream team (c) (w/johnny v) vs. 'leaping' lanny poffo & tony garea
Since the last SNME, The US Express of Barry Windham and Mike Rotunda had regained the tag titles from The Iron Sheik and Nikolai Volkoff, only to lose them to Johnny V’s ‘Dream Team’ of Greg ‘The Hammer’ Valentine and Brutus Beefcake. Those are some odd dreams you’re having, Johnny. One of the points of The Dream Team was for Valentine to help Beefcake improve in the ring, but what we will get are predominantly handicap matches featuring Valentine doing most of the work. Leaping Lanny is of course the future Genius and the brother of Randy Savage, surprisingly getting onto network television before his brother. He starts off with Greg Valentine, who uses forearm smashes and a headlock to gain control.
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Poffo gymnastically escapes and takes over with an arm rag, dropkick, slam and an honest to goodness moonsault on Beefcake! Valentine makes the save at the count of two and the Dream Team takes over, ramming Poffo in the corner. Poffo keeps trying to escape to tag Garea but he’s cut off brutally by Valentine pulling his hair. Leaping Lanny eventually makes the hot tag, and Garea is in, all guns blazing. Hip tosses and dropkicks for all. A flying body press by Garea gets two, but a back elbow gives Valentine the opportunity to lock in the figure-four leglock for the quick submission victory for the champs. The heels continue to beat on Garea after the decision, but for some reason the US Express remain seated.
hillbilly wedding reception
All the stars are at the reception, which is decorated with bails of hay. McMahon, Ventura, Orndorff and Hogan are sitting together, and as they talk about the wonderful ceremony and Hogan’s challenge to Studd and Bundy for a tag match at next month’s SNME, Ventura mumbles to himself as he is writing a poem to mark the occasion. Capt. Lou is teaching Cousin Junior his version of “etiquette” and Lanny Poffo gives us a poem that bigs up Uncle Elmer and NBC. Hillbilly Jim toasts the couple. The surprise guest is Tiny Tim, who was apparently the last person to get married on network television, all the way back in 1969. He gives them the gift of a ukulele.
Uncle Elmer serenades his new bride, his hands shaking constantly whilst doing so. It turns out he’s a better singer than wrestler, which is as close to a compliment as you can find for him. Jesse Ventura ends this all by reading his own poem, which begins in a suitably lyrical manner, but turns into a declaration of the dangers of professional wrestling, causing Hogan and Orndorff to rise up and defend the sanctity of marriage, backing Ventura into Hillbilly Jim, who sends The Body into a cake, making that two SNME’s out of two that have ended with someone covered in cake.
After one more break, it is announced that Bobby Heenan has accepted Hogan’s challenge and it will be Hogan/Andre versus Bundy/Studd at the next Saturday Night’s Main Event, which is only one month away!
well, you know something, mean gene
The right adjective for this show would be interesting...There were so many things that should be wrong with this show: Hulk Hogan's offensive degradation of another country's flag that got one of the loudest cheers of the night, Uncle Elmer's wedding and reception, Roddy Piper's flat-out refusal to lose any matches at this time, and Lanny Poffo getting on network television before his brother Randy Savage, but the show was enjoyable.
The Hogan-Volkoff match was short and decent enough, as was the tag team title match. Cleverly, Uncle Elmer only had to wrestle for six seconds, and the Andre tag match was pretty bland, but excusably so because it was essentially an angle to set up the next month's show. The best match by a long way was the wild brawl between Orndorff and Piper, which was short but incredibly intense. The depressing thing about the match was that Piper bailing would seem to set up a rematch in the near future in which Orndorff would finally get the win over his nemesis and complete his post-WrestleMania story arc, no doubt to a huge and memorable pop. Unfortunately, Roddy Piper didn't lose matches in those days, not even to Hulk Hogan, so this was the end of the feud and Mr Wonderful floundered until the late spring of the next year.
Ratings-wise this was another success for the WWF, more so than the first show in that there was no reliance on celebrity involvement, and was sold purely on Hulk Hogan and the WWF brand. It was only a month until the next show, with the main event of Hogan & Andre against Studd & Bundy already in place and the novel concept that the most dynamic and innovative wrestler in the match would be the Hulkster himself...
Ratings-wise this was another success for the WWF, more so than the first show in that there was no reliance on celebrity involvement, and was sold purely on Hulk Hogan and the WWF brand. It was only a month until the next show, with the main event of Hogan & Andre against Studd & Bundy already in place and the novel concept that the most dynamic and innovative wrestler in the match would be the Hulkster himself...